I'm Gay, Got a Problem With That?

Rain

It has been raining the past few days. The rains are not continuous though – the sun takes a quick peek every now and then – allowing for the ground to dry up. But it’s already typhoon season, and as I write this, there’s one within the country’s area of responsibility.

I want to bathe in the rain. I want to play. I want to feel the strong (this one’s very strong) shower. I wan’t to feel like a child again. I can’t remember the last time I bathed in the rain. I don’t know why, but I just stopped. Perhaps the last time was during typhoon Milenyo several years ago. I didn’t only bathe in the rain, I also walked on a flooded street just to get home from work. It wasn’t child’s play, rather it was a quest for survival.

I can easily go out now and bathe and play in the rain. I want to. And I don’t want to. I really don’t know. Something inside me is telling me that I must not. But something is also telling me that I must. I must relive my younger days when I boldly played under the rain – running around, jumping, screaming and playing – without regard for whether I’d fall and bruise myself or get bloodied in the process. I want to experience that again.

Then I realize that the reason I enjoyed playing in the rain so much was I was not alone. I had friends. I had my older brother. I had neighbors. I had playmates. Now, it seems futile to relive a fun experience alone. It would feel completely different because I’m all grown up now. But it would feel the same, no matter how mature I am now, if I had people to play with. If I had friends around. If my older brother was here and not at work. If we actually had neighbors close by.

I could take my shirt off right now and run outside. Laugh by myself. Bruise myself. Play with mud. Look up to the sky, open my mouth and pretend that the rain is the water of life that made anyone who drank it became stronger – or better yet, a superhero.

But something inside me says I shouldn’t.

Besides, the rain has already stopped. Time to go out and look for a rainbow. And a pot of gold.

June 23, 3011 | 1:19 PM | Pililla, Rizal